5 Life Lessons I've Learned from 20 years of Working with Older Adults

#104- In this touching episode, I share invaluable wisdom garnered from two decades of working intimately with older adults. 

Through personal anecdotes and professional experiences, I share five transformative life lessons that challenge and inspire. 

You'll embark on a journey exploring: 

•  the fleeting nature of life and the importance of embracing every moment, 
• the profound impact of human connection, 
• the relentless pursuit of meaning and purpose, 
• the eternal presence of love, and 
• the never-ending potential for personal growth and transformation at any age.

These stories not only provide a deeper understanding of aging but also offer universal insights that resonate with individuals across all stages of life. 

Join me for a heartfelt exploration of what it means to live fully, love deeply, and grow continuously, guided by the wisdom of those who have journeyed before us.

🔗 Helpful Links:

• Download Dr. Koepp's free guide for mental health professionals working with older adults: www.mentalhealthandaging.com/guide
• Visit Dr. Koepp's website for more resources: www.Mentalhealthandaging.com

💬 Let's Connect:

• Share your own life lessons from working with or knowing older adults 
• Follow Dr. Koepp on social media for daily insights and inspiration.

Thank you for listening, and here's to finding wisdom at every age 

PROFESSIONALS: Grab your free guide to working with older adults here


Attention Social Workers, Therapists, Counselors, Psychologists, Aging Life Care Experts... Click here to get Continuing Education Credits

Transcript

I started out in psychology as a generalist. I wanted to be a generalist to know how to treat lots of different psychological concerns and problems.

I loved a systems theory and interpersonal psychotherapy and relational psychotherapy. And loved working with families and systems. But I did not love working with children and younger families. I loved working with older families. I loved working with couples. I loved working with people at the end of their life. I loved working with people with life altering medical problems. With diverse, older families and relationships. And I thought, how could I build a career that would be meaningful for me based on what I love and where I could do family therapy, but not with children. And I built a beautiful career in working with older adults.

There are so many lessons that throughout my career, older adults have taught me, and today I want to share five of those lessons with you.

The first life lesson that I've learned from 20 years of working with older adults. Is life is short. Embrace each moment. So I had kids in my forties. I loved my life before kids and I love my life with kids, but it really took me some time to love parenting. And this idea from older adults that life is short embrace each moment. Really helped me to say, like when I'm frustrated and overwhelmed and need some time for myself. And my kids are at me at me at me. I think, okay. This is a moment that I'm really going to wish for and long for down the road.

What's the moment here that I can embrace? So last weekend, my husband was out of town and I was with the kids for several days and it was just a lot. I have a six and an eight year old. And we were going to a toy store to buy some presents for a birthday party.

We had two birthday parties on that day. And the kids were loud they were screaming. Cause they were like playing with each other. But if you ever, ever driven a car while kids are screaming, you know, like stop screaming, I need to focus. And it. You know, the roads were slick.

I live in Vermont and it had just snowed and. And so I told my kids, I am feeling really impatient right now. What should I do about it? And they stopped screaming and helped me to problem solve.

And I was like, Ooh, lesson learned life is short. Embrace the moments. So I turned their screaming, which was causing me agony. To, uh, an opportunity to connect with them and have them help me. So that's a little trick. I'm going to try to remember when I'm impatient down the road.

The second life lesson that older adults have taught me is connection is key. I've sat with many people at the end of their life, taking their last breath. One time. I was with a person who was dying and he was unresponsive and engaging in sort of labored breathing. And distant family members who were sitting bedside.

And I went to him and was holding his hand and was trying to help orient the family. Into how to be with him at this stage in his dying process. And so I was holding his hand in his hand was so big and warm and I have a small hand I'm five, two on a good day. And I was holding his hand and he was holding my hand.

And even though he was not able to talk, not able to open his eyes. Had labored breathing that happens at the end of life. We were holding hands and we knew each other's hand was in the other. And so we held hands for a very long time. I oriented the family about how to be with him right now. And I remember I, I put his hand down against his own body. And because I was going to take my leave from the room and let the family have their time. And he moved his hand back to mine, like reached back for my hand.

Human connection.

Connection is key. So I moved his hand over to his family members hand and kind of sealed them together and then. Took my leave.

The third life lesson that older adults have taught me in my 20 years of working with them. Is to develop and cultivate and be relentless about your sense of meaning and purpose in the world. For me, I have. Lots of big ideas. Every day, have a new idea of what I want to create and what I want to do. And really I have to ground myself into what is my true meaning and purpose in this world. For me. That is a lot of healing and promoting a sense of health and will being. A sense of connection, creating an impact focused on health and wellbeing in the world. That might take different shapes and forms. Um, but that's ultimately. What it is that I want to be a part of a healing process for myself and for others.

I was putting together a presentation and I like to look for images and stories and pictures to inspire people. I found this image of a woman who was 73 on top of a habitat for humanity house pounding in the frame of the roof of a house. And this woman had like really cut arms and was really healthy on top of this roof. My impression was that she had the sense of meaning and purpose that part of her meaning and purpose was to serve and to ensure that people had housing. That she was active and engaged in something that was of service. And was part of providing health and wellness to other people, shelter to other people. And that was a powerful image for me. Because what her muscles represented to me was that she also cared for herself that not only was she serving others, she was also taking the time to take care of herself.

And so developing and cultivating a sense of meaning and purpose is really key because when our bodies and her body will, and my body will fail us. And we will become sick and we will become frail and we will have needs. And when we do, can our meaning and purpose still encourage us to build a life worth living, to have a life worth living? To have a sense of purpose. In this world?

Some questions to help you think about your life purpose. What do you value? What are you passionate about? What accomplishments are you most proud of? What unique abilities do you have that set you apart from others and not like skills- I mean, like what feels good and you're good at that sets you apart from others. When do you feel like you're in the flow? Or in the zone? What would I regret not doing in my life when I'm on my death bed, when I'm that person holding somebody's hand, not able to communicate anymore, what would I regret not doing?

So those are some ideas to get you started on cultivating your own life, purpose and meaning.

The number four life lesson that older adults after 20 years of working with them have taught me, is that love never dies. I've had the opportunity to work with couples where one person in the relationship has a severe illness. We work together for years as a couple. That person dies. And then I continue working with the partner for grief and bereavement work. And I can tell you. Love never dies. I've worked with many couples who'd been married for 50, 60, 70 years. Even people in their late nineties who, after the loss of a spouse. We'll be crying, sobbing in my office saying, I thought we would have so much more time together. Love never dies. That person is always a part of us in the fabric of our being, a part of our soul.

A part of the decisions we make a part of our next steps. Love never dies.

And the fifth life lesson that older adults have taught me after 20 years of working with them. Is that we are never too old for healing and growth and transformation. I've worked with many older couples in their eighties and nineties who are still wanting to get their relationship right. I've worked with older adults who are wanting to improve relationships with their adult children and their eighties and nineties. I've worked with older adults who are wanting to heal and grow and transform within themselves. We are never too old for healing and growth and transformation. I remember. I was working at a hospital and a substance use assessment clinic was in the hospital. As I was walking in, there was an older man walking in. And he had a hard time walking. So I offered to get him a wheelchair and take him to where he needed to go. And, he said, yes, thank you very much. And so I got him a wheelchair and we had a walk throughout the hospital together. And so we were chit-chatting. And I asked him, where can I take you? And he said, uh, please take me to the substance use clinic. Because I want to finally get my substance use under control. And I praised him and. Admired him and took him to the substance use clinic to get an assessment of his substance use and to learn what treatment options were available to him. We are never too old for healing and transformation and growth.

This idea that at a certain age, we stop being capable of change is inaccurate and incorrect. And harmful. In fact, research shows that older adults who engage in substance use treatment have better outcomes than other age groups, even at a year after substance use treatment. We're never too old to heal. Grow and transform.

If you work with older adults, I would love to hear from you and what your favorite life lessons are that you're taking from the older adults that you've worked with. You can send me a message and let me know. You can go to my website, mental health and aging.com. And drop me a line.

You can DM me on social media.

Let me know your favorite life lessons from the older adults that you work with or the older adults in your life.

If you're a mental health or senior care provider, and you would like more tips on working with older adults, download my free guide. It's called the clinician's guide to mental health for older adults. www.mentalhealthandaging.com/guide I built the center for mental health and aging based on that last life lesson. Because I believe that every person at every age is worthy of healing and transformation and love.

And I, suspect you're here because you believe the same. If you're working in an agency or you have a clinical practice of some kind. You're going to be seeing more older adults because that's the nature of our demography and demographics. Now and in the future. And so if your staff or you would like training on working with older adults to adapting your practice, to include ethically responsible clinically sound resources for working with older adults. Check out our resources at www.Mentalhealthandaging.com. Or message me. At mental health and aging.com. And let me know how we could work together to provide a training for your staff. 

All right, I'll see you next week. Bye. For now.